


the sun will shine again (let the clouds clear first)

by evanescentdawn



Series: sam & jack [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Missing Scene, POV Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Season/Series 13, but its going to hard, sam wants to be a good dad so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24302038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evanescentdawn/pseuds/evanescentdawn
Summary: Jack wants to know what made Sam think he was evil.
Relationships: Jack Kline & Sam Winchester
Series: sam & jack [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754446
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	the sun will shine again (let the clouds clear first)

Later, Jack asks him, quietly, “What happened?”

And Sam will not want to answer, clenching his hands, pressing on a wound that has long faded; but as he looks at Jack, sees his expression, one that Sam knows very well, he thinks he can’t deny him this. He breathes, shaky, and sits on the floor next to the kid; swallows and tries to forces the words through his throat, even if he feels like he’s going to be sick. 

At first, Sam will not know where to start. There are so many things he did wrong, so many things that are evil about him. There is a long, silent moment where Sam fights his nerves, tries to control his breathing. _Slow and steady, don’t break in front of the kid. He doesn’t need that._

Jack says, “...Sam?” And Sam will notice that he’s crying, he’s curling himself back against the wall, making himself as small as he can. _Fuck._

“Sorry, sorry - I...” Sam is trembling as he apologises again and agian. _What are you doing? You’re scaring the kid._

“It’s...okay,” Jack tells tell, “Sorry. I - should’ve never asked.” And Sam, despite the sick feeling in his stomach, and his inability to focus, will hear the bitterness in Jack’s words. He will open his eyes, then, look at the kid, even when all of him is screaming at him not to. 

Jack has this look on him, head looking down, hair falling over the front of his face, hiding his eyes as he kneels beside Sam. It paints a picture of utter despair and self-hate. Sam will look at it and hate himself so much at that moment. _The kid thinks that he killed his mom and Cas for god’s sake, what are you doing? Get up. Stop trembling. Stop crying. Can’t you do one good thing? Cas -_

The words do not help him. Instead, it makes himself feel worse. _Cas._ Just before, Sam was telling Jack that _it’s okay, you’re not evil, you can be better_ but in what world is Sam qualified to give that talk. He’s not doing any better himself. Just _look_ \- 

Sam wants clenches his eyes shut again, he doesn’t look at Jack now. 

But He forces it to stay open, focuses at Jack, and

“Hey,” he says, softly. Jack looks up. Sam's heart clenches at the vulnerable expression on Jack. He breathes, rubs a trembling hand over his face and uses all his strength to make his brain string some words, even though the last thing Sam wants to do is talk. He wants to go into his room, shut his door, block the world out, and drown. 

“Well, this isn’t -” Sam starts, anxious, watching Jack’s expression, carefully, heartbeat so loud (he hopes the kid can’t hear it). “This isn’t at all...what I thought...what - how it was meant to go,” Sam laughs. It sounds horrible and feels like it too. He keeps it though, cringing internally. Smiles. _It's okay._

People could believe anything if they’re desperate. 

(Sam’s desperate.)

Jack smiles back. He looks lighter, Sam thinks in relief. 

“It’s okay,” Jack says. “You said, everyone, messes up. I -” He bites his lips, and Sam is strongly reminded of Cas. “You...don’t have to tell me, I understand.” 

“No, Jack,” Sam says, he needs the kid to understand, “It’s not you, this thing - talking - I never did it in a long time,” The last time talked, Sam thinks, is the trails. 

“It’s...hard. I don’t where to start,” Sam confesses. He feels lighter after saying it. 

“Oh. Okay,” Jack smiles. Understanding. 

And Sam leans his back against the wall, closes his eyes, and breathes, noticing distantly that his hands are still trembling.

-

Later, Jack asks him, quietly, “What happened?”

And Sam will not be able to answer. But he will learn that It’s okay, despite how he automatically wants to beat himself over it - he will learn that he can’t always say the words that Jack needs. Or that he can’t make him be better instantly. 

Sam can try, though. Every day, he can well _damn_ try.


End file.
